Post-Depression

I can happily say that I am no longer emo.

I didn't really think about how it happened but I basically reconnected with high school friends and hung out and stuff. Being the nit-picky pessimist I am, I managed to nitpick the smallest things about our friendships while blindlessly disregarding the simple fact that I wasn't the greatest friend as well and managed to f*ck some things up, but it's okay. Hopefully, a year later, they'll be okay. And not only that, but, well, maybe I'm over-thinking it. I just left early and was a tired b*tch for a day, nothing too bad.

I took a film festival class that rejuvenated my love for film and filmmaking.

My parents managed to convince me or I managed to convince them to buy me a T3i. I've been facing buyer's remorse for a while now. I'm wondering if I should have just gotten the 5D Mark II or the 7D instead of the T3i but I'm comforting myself by saying that I'll just sell my T3i and upgrade to a Mark III when it comes out. Or I'll win some video contests, earn some money, and upgrade.

I'm also volunteering at a non-profit organization that I won't disclose in fear of identity issues. But it's great. It really opened me up to the things that I don't see everyday, things I wouldn't have known about such as S-COMM and the DREAM act.

I'm also realizing truly how expensive filmmaking is as the numbers keep rolling up. I've got the camera body but now I need a lens. I think I'm going to just stick with the 18-55mm f/3.5-5.6 (?) kit lens and invest in a 50mm f/1.8 lens which is <$150. At the same time I'm selling off the other two lens I purchased with the camera which brings the cost of the body down to around.. well.. $1400 - $400 rebate - $100 lens - $100 lens - $100 printer = around $700.. That's still expensive, something's wrong with my math or lens pricing. Regardless, supposed good deal.

I still need to invest in a rig because my hands aren't steady enough to substitute for a steadycam, I luckily already have an H1 recorder, so I need to figure out how to use that with my T3i. I'm not going to even THINK about lighting especially since I just discovered the definition of aperture. I still need to purchase the 16GB cards which is currently on sale. I have to fork over $72 to my school for surprise dorming charges (hurray!) and still need to figure out how the hell I'm going to buy my schoolbooks for this Fall. French, media studies, calculus, and astronomy! The lack of a cinema course makes me sad. I think I'll just sit in on one or something.

I'm planning on following through with my Cinema major + Business major + Journalism minor/major and maybe just maybe a Digital Arts minor. So that's either a double major + double minor or a triple major with a minor. It depends on whether I'll be able to handle the course-load. I want to separate my CCS major over the years so I have some steady filmmaking classes ALL the time, or maybe I'll just blast through my CCS major and then just TA like crud. >_> I just NEED some film courses in my college career or I wouldn't be able to handle it. Q_Q

Taking the business major because I want to go into producing and I've always been interested in marketing. Just look at my interest in social media. It's like, regardless of what I do, my resume's always geared towards social media or graphic design. I'm so sorry I started my own full-fledged movie review website and designed my logo, and ran everything by myself. ):

So. Now that I have a camera and a kit lens, I need some film ideas. I'm drawing blanks. Well I have a tad bit of ideas but it's just so intimidating at first especially when you don't even have a darn screenplay + a nonexistent budget.

I want to break out but I don't even believe in myself or my "talent". Maybe I'll believe in myself when I actually have an idea of what I can do. Take a "test" of some sorts.

But yeah, I need short film ideas.