School Life

This will be my third week of college and thing's are getting pretty hectic.

For one, I don't even know what day it is. Actually, it's September 12, and I know because I have an appointment at 12pm today.

Second, I am now the VP of a TV media organization. I am implementing projects as soon as I think of them and also finishing them within 24 hours. However, this TV organization is at odds with the student government and I'm slowly but steadily letting things get out of control.

My schoolwork has been abandoned this weekend for extracurricular video projects.

I am hurt by the lack of support I am receiving from friends for this media organization. I tell myself to push ahead and don't look back, you'll gain followers eventually. It still hurts because I would have at least supported my friends. Therefore, it's obvious that I have no friends. It seems awkward pauses in conversation will follow me forever. I really need to learn how to respect conversations and should probably read How to Make Friends and Influence People.

As for my roommate, she drives me crazy. She hums and sings while I am trying to work at my desk and I literally wish she could shut the f*ck up. Perhaps I wouldn't mind if she sang like a bloody angel, but she does not and is simply annoying. My roommate annoys the hell out of me.

So that's pretty much it.

Hurricane Irene

Move-in day was supposed to be today but Irene came and everything was delayed. I can even see the sun now despite the winds.

Post-Depression

I can happily say that I am no longer emo.

Reality

I can't believe a lot of things. It's 5 AM and I just finished watching a documentary on the previous New York City Mayor Lindsay. The documentary was incredibly positive on Mayor Lindsay, because the Wiki article I just read on him was pretty negative.

I can't believe that.. just well, speechless.

Regardless, I discovered that I like the film industry because it is so far from reality. If I had to pick a career that was as far from reality that I could choose, then it would obviously be the film industry, an industry devoted to entertainment and helping audiences forget the urgent matters of their everyday lives.

Change Your Mindset

There are shitloads of things that bug the shit out of me.

1. Facebook. Facebook is like looking into people's lives and being interested in what they're doing but then you need to know that, they don't give a shit about you. Stop concerning yourself with the lives of others and be more concerned for yourself.

2. Fuck this shit.

3. I want to live life. I want to choose life. I need to change my mindset.

I am so fucking sick of everything, my life, how I live it.
I am so fucking sick of it.
I am so fucking sick of bitching. I am so sick of being sick.
I'm done with everything.

I'm done with my insecurity.
I'm done with the past.
Fuck everything, fuck the future, fuck worrying.

Fuck monetary concerns.
Fuck procrastination.
Fuck everything.

Fuck things not going your way.
You can only control your own actions and how you deal with everything else.
FUCKING LIVE A LITTLE.
God damn it.

Stop being a damned pussy about everything.

So you can't see? So your contacts are bitching annoying?
Get the fuck over it already.

So you're fat? Then lose some fucking weight.

So you look fat all the time because you are fat?
Well then, lose some weight, stop bitching about your clothes, or just some buy new ones.

So you don't have a job, your dad throws money at you, you're worrying about the family's financials, so you don't want to waste money to buy clothes?
Well your dad can be concerned for himself. Does he look sick? Well he has diabetes. Well, is he dying? Well does he know what he's doing? Well get the fuck over yourself and get a job then, moron.

So you can't get a job because you don't know whether you can handle it because of your depression.
Well, when your depression rears its ugly little head, just stomp the fucking shit out of it because it's fucking time.

Please, let's get this over with.

The Instant

The instant you realize that you haven't left your house for the whole day and now there isn't any chance to catch some sunshine for at least 8 more hours.

So.

Every depression journal needs a mood bar.
Mood: Apathetic.
Scratch that, couldn't help myself. If no one gets the reference, well, you're not missing much anyway.

Mood: So-So
I was depressed at first because my little sister's being a b*tch to me (she's actually not doing anything but being the victim in this case), but I was then reminded of a friend who does care for me and reminded me that I'm not really alone. And that's comforting.

I still haven't cleaned the room. I'll go do it now. Fml.